Really?

Stuart and I are in the process of renewing our Temple Reccomends and so were supposed to have a meeting with our Bishop and the Stake President tonight. However, because of the weather the Stake President couldn't make it to town. We decided to go ahead with the meeting with the Bishop so that when the Stake President reschedules we already have part of the process complete.

I'm quite a bit upset after my interview with the Bishop. At first everything went fine. He asked the normal questions...no surprises. That is until after he was done and he looked at Maija and asked how she was fitting in. I thought it was a little strange and said that everyone loves her. He proceeded to go on and say "It must be hard." I wasn't sure what he was talking about and asked him to clarify. He then told me it must be hard to adopt and to love the kids and asked if I felt I treated them any different than Phillip. SERIOUSLY?!?!?

He asked several other questions along that line and then let me leave and went to get Stuart. I was BLOWN away. I've been having a hard time lately and one of the things I've been struggling with is feeling like I'm a bad mom. Not for anything specific necessarily, and not to just one or two of my kids but to all of them.

It took us a long time to get to be parents. We were married 3 years when we got KatieJo & Samuel and I was so grateful to finally get to be a mom. It took almost 3 more years to have Phillip and just when we were thinking about trying for another baby I started having problems again and then we found out about Maija who has been a HUGE blessing to us.

There is a reason we got our kids the way we did. Heavenly Father has such a bigger plan that we could ever have! I wanted to be a mom, and I am a mom....does it matter how they came to be part of our family?

I should have told the Bishop that of course I treat them different, each of my children is so vastly different from the next that I cannot possibly parent them all in the same way. I wouldn't be an effective parent if I disciplined Phillip by giving him extra chores or by taking his books away like I do KatieJo and Samuel. But then again it doesn't work to discipline KatieJo or Samuel to take away their favorite car or train like it does for Phillip.

I guess I don't understand why someone would ask a question like that. He doesn't know why we adopted, and truthfully he doesn't really know us that well.

It has amazed me over the past 5 years how people, including some family members feel about adoption. My family, who we assumed would not be as welcoming of adopting kids have been nothing but supportive. On the other hand the people we expected to be the most understanding and supportive have been the exact opposite.

My children are blessed and we are blessed to get to raise them. Adoption is such a wonderful option. They are so many kids in this world who need someone to love them, and there are so many moms and dads that just need kids to love them. And I'm tired of the cynics in the world who think that just because I didn't give birth to all of my children that I can't possibly love them as much as a child that comes from my body.

I love my children and I am grateful EVERYDAY for the opportunity I have to be their mom!