This is a topic I have struggled with for years. Everyday I tell myself the basic "Heavenly Father loves you, Stuart loves you...." etc. But I don't know that I really ever believe it (my husband just read this and as a disclaimer I DO know that he loves me). I've been trying all day to find the lyrics to Michael McLeans' song She doesn't know (I couldn't find them...sorry). I heard this song at a Time Out For Women a couple years ago and it really struck me to the core.
I may on a daily basis fight to think I am worth anything, but I really feel that I am "blinded by the light". I NEVER look at the things I do as something good. Most of the time I feel that the things that I accomplish don't quite measure up and I have to have the affirmation of someone else before I'll even consider something I do remotely good. However, I am trying to change my ways. I have 4 beautiful children and my goal in life is for them to be confident in who they are. If I don't model confidence and a genuine love for myself how will they ever learn that they too should have that confidence in themselves?
The Savior DOES love me for who I am, my short comings, my accomplishments and just me. If he loves me like that, I too need to love myself.
I do a lot of neat things. Unfortunately I often get side tracked with the commotion in my home. I really enjoy scrapbooking, crocheting, playing the piano, and a recently discovered love for making hair bows for my daughters. I of course don't get a lot of time to do these things, however I spent several hours on Saturday (during nap time) making hair bows which I am pleased to say turned out lovely. I have also been practicing the piano not only because I am accompaning my husband on Sunday but because I have some songs that I've been wanting to learn for more years than I care to admit. My oldest son asked me this afternoon after I had stopped practicing "Where did I learn to play so good". Oh how I wish I could see myself through his eyes! I am very grateful for that comment because even if he's not a judge at some prestigious competition, in his eyes what I did was great. And, I enjoyed myself in the process of getting his approval.
I have many talents some of which I am just discovering and others that I've known about for a long time. But loving my talents is a start to learning to love the whole me. And that's where I plan to begin to love myself just a little bit more everyday!
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6 comments:
Chaney,
I think we as woman are incredibly hard on ourselves. What's worse is we look at others accomplishments and think, DANG they are doing better than me. I also think as converts to the church we think that the perfect Mormon housewife needs to exemplify the "Molly Mormon" persona. This is why I listen to Dr. Laura. She gives mom's permission to be imperfect, and she insists that a perfect clean home, and a organized schedule are not NEARLY as important as the time we take with our families. So, because of Dr. Laura I take naps almost daily, and have no guilt over the dirty dishes in the sink. You have a beautiful family, your kids are a joy, and your marriage is strong. That is the greatest success ever. You go girl!!!!
First off, I love the name of your blog "Mobsquad"--totally cute!
Secondly, I appreciate your very honest post today and it has been my experience that once we figure out we're not SUPPOSED to everything at once, or be everything to everybody--when we figure that out, there is peace within. You're on the right track, keep going!
I love what you said about finding your talents. There is so much power in discovering our talents, (and that being talented doesn't mean being the best :D) and just enjoying who we are.
I think you should add writer to your long list of talents. You are so talented! I have thought so since I very first met you.
I love Samuel's comment! It really does feel good when your kids complement you! Thanks for a beautiful post, and for being a wonderful sister-in-law.
Love you,
Aimee
I hate when my original comment gets lost in cyberspace.
Your son's comment was perfect. It's those precious moments are what keep me going.
Perhaps making us forget who we really are and who we really will become is the adversary's best tool against us. I think you're wonderful, Chaney, and the longer i know you, the more wonderful you become.
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